10 Life-Changing Lessons I Wish I Learned Sooner

In this article, Joanna Warwick gives us a reminder of 10 lessons we should regularly keep in mind – especially when our sweet little inner critics start talking to us. Below is an extract from her article:

“1. Being happy is not about what we achieve.

I had to start with this one, as someone who has spent so much of her life achieving, striving to achieve, and competing to win. The first half of my life I strived to ride for my country and compete in the Olympics, then to achieve in business, then academically, and always in relationships.

It doesn’t matter what I achieve. No job, promotion, money, relationship, house, highest mountain, or gold medal will ever change how I feel about myself.

Achievement is the icing on the cake, so it’s important to learn to like the cake that’s the sum of who we are first, so we have something to ice.

2. We are all doing our best.

I used to hold myself to the highest scrutinizing criticism and moral compass.

I was excellent at delivering self-punishment as judge, gaoler, and executioner for every small flaw, mistake, or underachievement.

However, I would forgive other people for every fallibility, choice, and indiscretion. I expected so little accountability or responsibility from other people and so much from myself.

I’ve learned to balance it out by being more lenient, forgiving, and loving towards myself and accepting that we’re all doing our best—and this rule applies to me too.

3. We have to know and respect our deal breakers.

Self-worth is an action, so I got clear about my relationship deal breakers. Sadly, I’ve let a lot of people throughout my life treat me with disrespect—lie, cheat, take liberties, bully, blame, shame, and even abuse. I didn’t stand for anything. I couldn’t say no.

Without no, my yes had no value.

Now my deal breakers are respect, honesty, and responsibility.

When we know our deal breakers, we don’t accept mistreatment because we know we’re worth more.

4. Other people’s actions aren’t about us.

When I was in my twenties, my ex fiancé cheated on me. For a long time I believed it was my fault, that it must have been something I did or didn’t do—that I wasn’t good enough.

I realize now that how any other adult chooses to behave is about them, not me. My ex felt there was a problem in the relationship, and in response, he chose to be the kind of person who lies and cheats.

We’re only responsible for our own actions, feelings, and words, which means the buck stops here, but this also frees us from wasting energy and time cleaning up other people’s messes.

5. We need to trust our intuition.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life because I didn’t trust my intuition, nature’s gift of survival, which helps us thrive.

I got involved with the wrong people, relationships, and jobs, ignoring that I knew they weren’t right for me from the start, and then paid the price by wasting time and energy trying to make them work.

Intuition can be as loud as someone shouting in your ear, and other times, it’s subtler.

When we slow down, take our time, allow it to get clearer, and listen, we save ourselves a whole lot of trouble.

6. All the studying in the world will never be enough.

I’ve spent years studying, seeking to understand people and the meaning of life, love, and the universe. I have letters after my name to prove it, and much of it was a waste of time.

Most things are just stepping-stones to somewhere else, often on a cyclical path back to what you knew already.

Knowledge is power, but experience in using it, applying it, seeing how it feels, and making mistakes trumps everything, because that’s wisdom.

Good old-fashioned hands on living and having the courage to get involved and experience makes you wise. Then you have a beautiful lesson to share.

7. Face the scary stuff.

I wasted so much time hiding from the boogie monster, the scary truth inside of me. I just had to be brave and come face to face with how I felt and what I desired.

I had to feel all that I had hidden, repressed, and buried instead of trying to unlock it all through my head with knowledge, or getting someone else to tell me what to do.

Only then was I free; I could I stop caring if other people approved of me or not and just love myself and know what matters to me.

We travel through life alone, and by becoming our own best friend we no longer have to fear being unloved.

8. Accept that life and people are inconsistent.

When I was little, like everyone, I was reliant on others and needed them to be consistent so I could feel safe in the world. Unfortunately, they weren’t, so I got stuck needing to please other people so they would take care of me, but I always felt let down and disappointed.

I was like a drowning young woman at sea, battered around by the force of the waves with nothing to hold onto, because I had nothing of substance to rely on.

Change is the only consistent thing there is. Accepting this empowers us to learn to depend on ourselves.

9. We can be our own best friends.

By facing the scary stuff, getting clear about my deal breakers, starting to trust my intuition, and forgiving myself, I began to like, love, and respect myself.

I turned my curiosity toward finding out about myself and what I actually like, enjoy, and don’t want. I became my own best friend and I’ve got my back if there’s a problem.

I came to know me, inside and out, and what matters to me, so I built a boat of substance and I’m no longer drowning. The world around me can be wild and changeable like the sea, but now I can ride out the waves without fear. The same can be true for you.

10. We are enough.

I never needed to strive to be anyone’s best friend, girlfriend, or wife by keeping a tidy house, cooking like a chef, and making wild passionate love every night, or by being a CEO, earning a fortune, or having a gold medal or a PhD.

It sounds exhausting just writing it, but that was how I used to live my life.

Yes, I sometimes do some cool, fun, interesting stuff; I am curious about the world and enjoying my life. But sometimes I can’t be bothered.

I like to slob around in my PJs watching old movies. I get morning breath and matted hair, but can scrub up well and attend the ballet.

I now know who I am, what makes me happy, and the value I can bring to any relationship or situation not because of what I do, but who I am.

We’re unique, priceless, and irreplaceable, and the sum of every experience.

Our greatest relationship is with ourselves, because it’s through that relationship that we learn how to truly love other people, including our children. And when we demonstrate how to love us, we can get the most joy out of our lives.”

JOIN US FOR A NIA, 5 STAGES + TRE® BODY BLEND TREAT

A sensational blend of Nia, Nia 5 Stages and TRE® (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) to fully release, nourish and revive your spirit. Drop into the body  and realign with the Nia 5 Stages + expand your body’s potential to feel and move with Nia + experience the gentle, self-controlled technique of TRE® to reconnect with your body, release stress, and bring more ease into your life!

Date: Saturday, 12th May 
Time: 2 for 2.15pm – 3.45pm
Place: OurNiaSpace Nia studio, 10 Anson Street, Observatory, Cape Town
Cost: R200
Contact: Lynne OR Nicci – nicci@niasouthafrica.co.za  082 462 4844

Nia combines dance, martial arts and mindfulness, Nia tones your body while transforming your mind. More than just a workout, Nia is a holistic fitness practice addressing each aspect of your life – body, mind and soul.

TRE® is a simple technique that helps your body release stress or tension that has accumulated from day-to-day life experiences, immediate or ongoing stressful situations, and traumatic life events. A set of simple exercises invokes a mild tremor which helps bring the nervous system back to a state of calm and balance. Once learned TRE® is a gentle and effective self-healing tool.

Some of the reported benefits of TRE® include:

  • Greater sense of calm and inner peace
  • Less anxiety and worry
  • Reduced pain
  • Improved sleep quality
  • Reduced symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Increased emotional resilience
  • Relief from chronic medical conditions
  • Release of muscular tension from exercise and sport
  • Increased mobility and flexibility
  • Thriving in times of safety
  • Increased spiritual connection

Thriving with TRE® and QEC.

I recently wrote an article in the Natural Medicine World magazine about Quantum Energy Coaching (QEC) and Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE®).

There is a synergy and benefit of combining these two modalities – used together they allow us to become more resilient and to move into realising our full potential.

‘We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.’ Maya Angelou

Drinking the Tears of the World: Grief as Deep Activism

“No-one escapes suffering in this life. None of us is exempt from loss, pain, illness and death. Yet, how is it that we have so little understanding of these essential experiences? How is it we have attempted to keep grief separated from our lives and only begrudgingly acknowledge its presence in the most obvious of times. Without some measure of intimacy with grief, our capacity to be with any other emotion or experience in our life is greatly compromised. It is our unexpressed sorrows, the congested stories of loss, when left unattended, that block our access to the soul.” – Francis Weller

There is so much loss in the world at the moment – death of those too young to die, destruction of the environment, losses of homes due to fire, the slaughtering of rhino……the list goes on.

In this article on grief  Francis Weller speaks of the Four Gates of Grief:

  1. the losses connected to losing someone or something we love
  2. the grief that occurs in the places never touched by love – these are the places within us that have been wrapped in shame and that we do not show to the world
  3. the losses of the world around us
  4. the expectations coded into our physical and psychic lives – expectations of a connection with the sacred

“It is difficult to resist the temptation to retract and close down the heart to the world. What then? What becomes of our concern and our outrage for the way things are going? Too often we go numb…”

It is a long article but really worth the read.

Weekly TRE® (Trauma and Tension Releasing Exercises) ‘Drop In’ Group

The weekly TRE® (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) ‘drop in’ group is restarting on Tuesday 24th January. This group is open to all people who have some experience of TRE®.

WEEKLY TRE® ‘DROP IN’ GROUP EVERY TUESDAY EVENING IN CLAREMONT

We are all affected by stress – it is part of life.

Designed by David Berceli, TRE® is a simple technique that helps your body release stress or tension that has accumulated from day-to-day life experiences, immediate or ongoing stressful situations, and traumatic life events. A set of simple exercises invokes a mild tremor which helps bring the nervous system back to a state of calm and balance. Once learned TRE® is a gentle and effective self-healing tool.

Some of the reported benefits of TRE® include:

  • Greater sense of calm and inner peace
  • Less anxiety and worry
  • Reduced pain
  • Improved sleep quality
  • Reduced symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Increased emotional resilience
  • Relief from chronic medical conditions
  • Release of muscular tension from exercise and sport
  • Increased mobility and flexibility
  • Thriving in times of safety
  • Increased spiritual connection

Date:  Every Tuesday

Cost:  R100 per session

Time:  7.00pm to 8.15pm

Venue: Claremont

Please phone or email to make your booking before you come as spaces are limited.

Weekly TRE® (Trauma and Tension Releasing Exercises) ‘Drop In’ Group

I have been asked to run a weekly TRE® (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) ‘drop in’ group on a Tuesday evening at 7pm. This group is open to all people who have some experience of TRE®.

“I have benefited a great deal from doing TRE® with Lynne. I first did a few private sessions and have since joined an ongoing TRE® group. The group sessions are wonderful in that they are more affordable and you are with other people with whom you can share briefly at the beginning and end of each session. It has helped me to maintain the practice of TRE® which I may otherwise not get around to. TRE® really helps take the edge off my stress, which is priceless! Having Lynne’s support is really wonderful, too – I so enjoy her gentle, listening and non-judgemental approach.”  Kyle

TRE® is a wonderful and very effective method to release tension from the psoas muscle – in this article Jacob Devaney writes about the psoas muscle and the negative impact of accumulated stress.

WEEKLY TRE® ‘DROP IN’ GROUP EVERY TUESDAY EVENING IN CLAREMONT

We are all affected by stress – it is part of life.

Designed by David Berceli, TRE® is a simple technique that helps your body release stress or tension that has accumulated from day-to-day life experiences, immediate or ongoing stressful situations, and traumatic life events. A set of simple exercises invokes a mild tremor which helps bring the nervous system back to a state of calm and balance. Once learned TRE® is a gentle and effective self-healing tool.

Some of the reported benefits of TRE® include:

  • Greater sense of calm and inner peace
  • Less anxiety and worry
  • Reduced pain
  • Improved sleep quality
  • Reduced symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Increased emotional resilience
  • Relief from chronic medical conditions
  • Release of muscular tension from exercise and sport
  • Increased mobility and flexibility
  • Thriving in times of safety
  • Increased spiritual connection

Date:  Every Tuesday

Cost:  R100 per session

Time:  7.00pm to 8.15pm

Venue: Claremont

Please phone or email to make your booking before you come as spaces are limited.

8 Simple Words to say When Someone you Love is Grieving

“Our culture treats grief like a problem to be solved or an illness to be healed. We’ve done everything we can to avoid, ignore, or transform grief. So that now, when you’re faced with tragedy, you usually find that you’re no longer surrounded by people — you’re surrounded by platitudes.”  Tim Lawrence

So what can we offer instead?”

This article was shared on Facebook by a good friend of mine. A friend who knows how to “be there with” people who are grieving. To her and my other friends who know how to “be with”  – a big heartfelt thank you for many years ago!

 

The Roots of Shame – the Shaming Witness

“When we become more compassionate witnesses to people’s challenges and traumas, we not only open ourselves up to better understanding of others and healthier relationships with them, but we also set ourselves up to receive that same compassion and understanding for, and relationship with, ourselves; and we then contribute to the growth of a society that makes validating and embracing our genuine experiences and feelings the new norm.” – David Bedrick

In this article on shame David Bedrick writes about the Shaming Witness – a really good read and sadly also very true for many people.

Flourishing with TRE

In his article on Kicking the Stress and Trauma Bucket Before it Kicks You Richmond Heath speaks about how our bodies possess ancient wisdom and movements designed to recover from stress and trauma, and to move towards thriving during times of safety.

TRE (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises) is one of the most wonderful modalities I have come across and it enables the body to shift into a restorative mode. Please come and join me on my next 6 week course and learn how to use it by yourself at home.

6 WEEK TRE GROUP COURSE STARTING ON TUESDAY 6 SEPTEMBER IN CLAREMONT

We are all affected by stress – it is part of life.

Designed by David Berceli, TRE is a simple technique that helps your body release stress or tension that has accumulated from day-to-day life experiences, immediate or ongoing stressful situations, and traumatic life events. A set of simple exercises invokes a mild tremor which helps bring the nervous system back to a state of calm and balance. Once learned TRE is a gentle and effective self-healing tool.

Some of the reported benefits of TRE include:

  • Greater sense of calm and inner peace
  • Less anxiety and worry
  • Reduced pain
  • Improved sleep quality
  • Reduced symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Increased emotional resilience
  • Relief from chronic medical conditions
  • Release of muscular tension from exercise and sport
  • Increased mobility and flexibility
  • Increased spiritual connection

Date:  6 Sept – 11 Oct (every Tuesday for 6 weeks)

Cost:  R950 (paid upfront)

Time:  7.00pm to 8.15pm

Venue: Claremont